just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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