fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize