Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
