There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
