are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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