is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
