Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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