she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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