I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
