I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
