Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
