i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
