We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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