You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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