Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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