literally had 100 drinks last night.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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