drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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