I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
