what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
