Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
