Im at strip club and am horny
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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