when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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