8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
