I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
