If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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