i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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