It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
