honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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