went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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