i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
