just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
