i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
