I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Ladies don't puke and tell
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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