lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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