alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
