I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I will be naked everywhere
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
