Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
