i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
