She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
