tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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