I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
