i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
