trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
