i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
