I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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