My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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