somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
