textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
They took my balls.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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