so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize