Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
