Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
pray to the hookup gods
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
