I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
