If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
