When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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