dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i now understand why vodka
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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