Walk of Shame. In a state park.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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