so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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