Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize