Yo dont text me then not text me
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
