this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
