I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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