Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize