can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
