If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
NoShamevember. You game?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
