When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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