Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
