After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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