Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
